Author Archives: Dan Thurot
Pat the Hat Makes a Buck
Meet Pat. Pat the Hat.
I’m an absolute sucker for anything gangster (and when I say that word, I mean prohibition-era organized crime, not “gangsta“), so despite middling reviews, I had little choice but to pick up Omerta: City of Gangsters. Because it had “Gangsters” in the title, you see. Anyway, that handsome devil up there is Pat the Hat. He has a period after his name because that’s how seriously he takes himself. He wasn’t always so austere — his childhood nickname was “Earful,” he had some trouble with loan-sharks as a young man, and he had an affair with a local Don’s wife and had to flee to America. As you might be able to tell, his youthful choices have made him slippery and brash, but not very imposing.
Now that he’s come to Atlantic City, he’s going to take all the advantages the Land of Opportunity has to offer, and wring them by the neck until he’s the biggest boss of them all. First step is scraping together a thousand bucks in dirty cash.
Summoner Wars Mega #8: Fallen Kingdom vs. Deep Dwarves
Fallen Kingdom vs. Deep Dwarves.
I was going to write some flavor text about how the Fallen Kingdom has invaded the great halls of the Deep Dwarves in search of endless crypts to reanimate into skeleton and zombie fighters, but I’ve been informed by my ever-astute partner that all my pre-game flavor texts are about her factions invading my factions, and a quick fact-checking mission revealed that to be mostly true. So instead, the Deep Dwarves have invaded the massive Fallen Kingdom looking for, uh, something magical. And now their Summoners are facing off in a battle to the death. Well, more death.
Somerset and I agree that this was easily our most exciting match, a worthy conclusion to our series, and filled to the brim with all sorts of different tactics, howl-inducing rolls of the dice, and more. Epic clashes! Magic! Feints! Organized (and disorganized) retreats! Kidnapping! Possession! Dark sacrifices! All that and more, below.
Summoner Wars Mega #7: Cave Goblins vs. Swamp Orcs
Cave Goblins vs. Swamp Orcs.
The free people of Itharia declared a national holiday when they heard about the Cave Goblins’ plan to invade Swamp Orc terrain, because these are two of the most ill-intentioned factions currently in possession of summoning stones — which makes this battle something of a freebie for the side of Good no matter how it turns out.
How did it turn out? I will say it wasn’t quite the steamrolling many people assumed it would be, though to get more than that you’ll need to read on.
Summoner Wars Mega #6: Guild Dwarves vs. The Filth
Guild Dwarves vs. The Filth.
Today’s battle is an exercise in what happens when the greedy Guild Dwarves hear about a rich vein of gold running across the prairie where a supposedly harmless tribe of rabble lives… only to discover that these plains-dwellers are actually the Filth, who mutate from helpless peasants to tentacle monsters with some regularity, and who really don’t appreciate diminutive prospectors poking around in their territory. Which is to say, it’s on.
The question on everybody’s mind, of course, is whether Dan was able to maintain his lead or lose it to a vengeful Somerset. The one thing we’ll give away about this match is that somebody’s summoner turned out nigh-impossible to finish off. Find out if we’re talking about Oldin or the Demagogue below.
The Organ Trail, Part Three: Not Dysentery
I need to ask you something. Back when I was telling you about Clements and I mentioned that this is the story of how I died, did you really believe me? Or did you assume I meant something metaphorical, like how I died on the inside? Because I can see how you might think that, considering what I told you about that mine shaft incident, because, sure, that slayed a ventricle or two. Or you might think that I’m in the process of dying right now as a result of everything that went down over the last few months, bleeding out while I stammer my story on the side of the road, imparting dying wisdom to a younger version of myself.
But I’m not. I’m dead. El finito, as the Italians say. This is the story of how that happened. It was horrible and painful and more than a little embarrassing. And baby, it wasn’t dysentery that did me in. So settle in and get ready to hear the long and short of it.
Summoner Wars Mega #5: Tundra Orcs vs. Shadow Elves
Tundra Orcs vs. Shadow Elves.
Elves and Orcs whacking at each other with blunt and sharp instruments is probably the most natural thing in the world. Except these Elves like to dart about in the night and these Orcs really like ice magic and gambling — two lifestyles that, as we all know, are absolutely incompatible. Which is probably why Selundar has decided his Shadow Elves must invade the frosty tundra of Grognack’s, er, Tundra Orcs.
As always, we had a fantastic match. What set this one apart from the rest was a laugh out loud moment that briefly interrupted the game and completely shifted the balance of power. I know you’re intrigued, so read on to discover whether the current 2-2 tie was broken in Somerset’s or Dan’s favor.
The Organ Trail, Part Two: The Road
Once we’d sorted out the seating assignments for the station wagon (if you don’t remember how that happened, your memory is almost as short as Clements is now), it was time to hit the road, just like I was Jack Kerouac, and Somerset, Pariah, Wedge, and Agent Five were— well, like they were whoever traveled with Jack Kerouac. Of course, since the radio was dead we had less Jazz, and none of us were much inclined towards reciting what scant poetry we could remember or make up, and Agent Five had already consumed all the psychotropics on account of the zombies. All right, I suppose it wasn’t much like On the Road after all.
Even so, we were united by a quest: Clements might have been an old basket case, but his dream of a safe haven on the West Coast was as good a fantasy as any. And if you’re thinking we should have sat pretty and waited for someone to save us, well, you’re probably right. Since I’m dead and all.
The Organ Trail, Part One: Clements
Alright, let’s get the clichés out of the way right now, shall we? Yes, this is a zombie story. Yes, it’s also the story of how I died — is there any other type of zombie story, when you get right down to it? And yeah, I’m not too chuffed about the whole debacle.
Why not? Because it’s the story of how I died. I mean, come on. How can you expect someone to have fun with that sort of thing?
The Ladies of Andor
The Ladies of Andor prepare to defend, er, Andor.
This last Christmas was probably my best haul yet in terms of excellent board games. Not only was I given Clash of Cultures, which has proven one of my favorite games in recent memory (and which I wrote about here), my darling mother also acquired Legends of Andor, a beautiful and exciting four-player cooperative adventure game from Michael Menzel and brought into the English-speaking world by Fantasy Flight Games. At first glance it might look like a generic fantasy, but below the jump I’ve compiled four reasons why it’s one of the cleverest and most surprising co-op games of 2012.
Summoner Wars Mega #4: Cloaks vs. Benders
Cloaks vs. Benders.
Today’s match was one that everyone knew would come eventually: the showdown between the mind-controlling Bender Empire and the nomadic nation of exiles they created, the Cloaks. As former countrymen face off in a duel of wits, it’s Itharia’s profoundest civil war yet! Only problem is that they’re double-dipping from the same bag of tricks, as both specialize in neutralizing their opponents’ abilities. So the question is: who neutralized better?
Somerset and I couldn’t have asked for a more interesting match. Or a longer, more grueling match. Emotions ran high as we undermined each other at every turn. Read on to discover which nation was swept away by the tides of change. Also the tides of mind-control and thuggery.
SPACE-BIFF! 