Upcoming: Summoner Wars Mega
Inspired by Space-Biff! friend Digital Pariah, who’s been battling his way through his Summoner Wars collection one faction at a time and making me jealous with all manner of fascinating tales, the wife and I have decided to follow suit. Beginning next Monday, we’ll be posting weekly Summoner Wars battle reports in addition to our regular programming. Details below.
The Top Five Impactful Games of 2012
I don’t think there can be any question that we’re living through a genuine Golden Age of Gaming when picking out the most impactful games of the year is difficult, not because I need to invent tenuous reasons to validate my choices, but because there are too many to choose from. I’ve whittled down the list, and what follows are the five games that most affected me in 2012. And boy, there were some doozies.
Teleglitch Takes Me Back
I don’t know if there’s a name for that type of question that members of the same generation ask each other — things like “Where were you when JFK was shot?” or “when Sputnik went up?” or “when the Wall came down?” — ones that give folks a feel for each other, that establish they’ve lived through the same tragedies and triumphs, like a person’s rough backstory is encapsulated in the answers. I like those questions. Sometimes it’s good to know we come from the same place.
I came along too early for my question to be about 9/11 and too late for anything with Cold War flavoring. “Where were you when Clinton was re-elected?” doesn’t have much ring to it, though I can answer it (kitchen). I’m having a hard time thinking of anything else I could use. Oh, maybe Clinton’s impeachment. I was in the kitchen for that too.
Anyway. Here’s my question, and you’re going to think it’s a joke but it’s not. I’m completely serious, because for me this moment was like a warehouse light getting switched on, revealing aisle after aisle of potential, and I realized: “Computers. We are going to do stuff with these.”
Hitman Needs Absolution (But Not This One)
Agent 47’s latest attempt at finagling some absolution.
I know the last ten days have been hard without Space-Biff! updates to brighten the gloominess and despair of December, so rest assured that we here at the Space-Shanty have been filling all our spare time brainstorming radical new journalistic styles for your perusing pleasure. We know you’ll appreciate the result — a series of rapid-fire, low-quality articles to catch us up on all the stuff we were planning to talk about but didn’t have time to! Huzzah! And first on the list is Hitman: Absolution! Short version: it’s not only nothing special, it’s actively bad. Kidding! It’s incredible!
Summoner Wars: Divine Intervention
The beginning setup: Vanguards versus Tundra Orcs.
Back in October I decided to roll the dice in the official Summoner Wars iOS Tournament and prove myself the premier Summoner Wars player of all time. Turns out I’m not. Even so, I did a lot better than I assumed I would, coming this close to making it into the third round (of four, in case you were wondering). I took screenshots of most of my games, and meant to do a massive post-tournament writeup, but certain constraints (like not winning) kept me from it.
Well, I figure I can talk about a couple of the games though, considering I have all these hundreds of screenshots. The first match is a win from the first round — it’s actually the win that placed me at 3-2 in my division, and going on to the second. It’s an epic win, full of tense moments and nick-of-time maneuvers. At no less than two points I nearly hurled my iPad across the room, and was only constrained by the damnable fragility of the thing. But. Despite the thrills this match offers, this isn’t an example of how to play Summoner Wars well. Not in the slightest.
5 4 3012
Yes, this article’s title is a rebus for “Five for 3012,” and yes, I thought it was clever when I thought it up. Before you leave, I’ll confess that I’m no good at the art of article naming — for instance, I realized only the other day that my Spec Ops article from way back in June should have been entitled “Spec Oops.” Dang it, that would have brought me the journalistic fame (and integrity-challenging freebies) that I so clearly deserve. Ah well, live and learn. At any rate, bygones shouldn’t distract us from talking about 3012, the new deck-building game from Cryptozoic Entertainment. After the jump, I’ve got five reasons why 3012 is excellent, and a few about why I didn’t expect it to be.
Little Inferno: Burn Bright, or Burn Out?
I imagine that when our primitive ancestors (I’m on some sort of caveman kick this week, aren’t I?) first discovered fire, the scientific method was invented right alongside it. Having made fire (or captured it from some other source, maybe by carrying a burning stick from a forest fire or a lightning strike or something), and hopefully having figured to ring it with stones or keep it away from dry brush, the first thing I assume they did was try to figure out what to chuck in it. Certain things worked — dry sticks, grass, furs (“Thanks a lot” grunted the one whose furs they’d tossed in, and thus sarcasm was invented too); others resulted in less pleasing effects — water, boulders, mastodon dung.
Little Inferno from Tomorrow Corporation, which consists of the same indie darlings behind the much-lauded World of Goo, deals largely with that lizard portion of our brains that compels us to acquire stuff for the sake of burning it up. Literally. Like with fire, not metaphorically. But does the game itself burn bright, or burn out?
Let’s Smash “Smash Up” Up
If a box image could sell a game, Smash Up would break sales records.
Ever since prehistoric man daydreamed of riding mastodons to victory over the mighty brontosaurus, there’s been something wonderful and endearing about our crossover fantasies. Fast forward a billion years, and we’ve got Star Trek versus Star Wars, DC versus Marvel versus Capcom, Disney versus Final Fantasy. Children bicker endlessly in “Who would win between…” conversations. Fans gossip about cameos and write reams of bad fiction about romantic meetups between their favorite characters. Even my childhood playtime was dominated by the US Army and G.I. Joes defending the Alamo against the faceless hordes of the LEGO axis. It’s as natural as falling in love with television characters, really.
And that’s what the board game Smash Up is all about — merging two disparate factions into a bizarre alliance and pitting them in a race to overwhelm neutral bases before your opponents do. That means leading an army of leprechaun ninjas in their conquest of the isle of Tortuga, or getting back at the self-righteous dopes at the School of Wizardry with laser-saddled stegosauruses and shambling zombies. Like many crossovers, it’s a fun concept — but does it work? Find out after the jump.
Fallen Enchantress #4: The Pit of Lost Voices
In the center-most mountain range of the Desolate East lies hidden the Pit of Lost Voices.
Magnar has now lived in the Desolate East for over 140 years, and after eking out an empire under the harshest conditions, and both starting and finishing a war with the Kingdom of Gilden, the only obstacle that remains on the path to total dominion is the Empire of Resoln. Resoln’s sovereign, Oracle Ceresa, is not only aware of this fact, but she commands five times as many soldiers are Magnar, and she’s itching to land the first blow. In the summer of 295 A.C. (I have no idea what that means, and I suspect Magnar doesn’t either), she does exactly that.
Fallen Enchantress #3: Warg Mages
Powerful Warg Mages. All you need are Wargs. And Mages.
Much to my surprise, I’ve been having a grand time with Fallen Enchantress. Magnar’s Empire has grown from a tiny walnut into a massive tree of enslaving doom, and most recently booted the stuck-up Gilden out of his birthright territory. Unfortunately, now my Empire is facing new troubles — and while a few are intricate Gordian Knots just waiting for my sword to descend with a satisfying thwack, others have arisen courtesy of Fallen Enchantress’s less-endearing eccentricities.
SPACE-BIFF! 