The Organ Trail, Part Three: Not Dysentery
I need to ask you something. Back when I was telling you about Clements and I mentioned that this is the story of how I died, did you really believe me? Or did you assume I meant something metaphorical, like how I died on the inside? Because I can see how you might think that, considering what I told you about that mine shaft incident, because, sure, that slayed a ventricle or two. Or you might think that I’m in the process of dying right now as a result of everything that went down over the last few months, bleeding out while I stammer my story on the side of the road, imparting dying wisdom to a younger version of myself.
But I’m not. I’m dead. El finito, as the Italians say. This is the story of how that happened. It was horrible and painful and more than a little embarrassing. And baby, it wasn’t dysentery that did me in. So settle in and get ready to hear the long and short of it.
Summoner Wars Mega #5: Tundra Orcs vs. Shadow Elves
Tundra Orcs vs. Shadow Elves.
Elves and Orcs whacking at each other with blunt and sharp instruments is probably the most natural thing in the world. Except these Elves like to dart about in the night and these Orcs really like ice magic and gambling — two lifestyles that, as we all know, are absolutely incompatible. Which is probably why Selundar has decided his Shadow Elves must invade the frosty tundra of Grognack’s, er, Tundra Orcs.
As always, we had a fantastic match. What set this one apart from the rest was a laugh out loud moment that briefly interrupted the game and completely shifted the balance of power. I know you’re intrigued, so read on to discover whether the current 2-2 tie was broken in Somerset’s or Dan’s favor.
The Organ Trail, Part Two: The Road
Once we’d sorted out the seating assignments for the station wagon (if you don’t remember how that happened, your memory is almost as short as Clements is now), it was time to hit the road, just like I was Jack Kerouac, and Somerset, Pariah, Wedge, and Agent Five were— well, like they were whoever traveled with Jack Kerouac. Of course, since the radio was dead we had less Jazz, and none of us were much inclined towards reciting what scant poetry we could remember or make up, and Agent Five had already consumed all the psychotropics on account of the zombies. All right, I suppose it wasn’t much like On the Road after all.
Even so, we were united by a quest: Clements might have been an old basket case, but his dream of a safe haven on the West Coast was as good a fantasy as any. And if you’re thinking we should have sat pretty and waited for someone to save us, well, you’re probably right. Since I’m dead and all.
The Organ Trail, Part One: Clements
Alright, let’s get the clichés out of the way right now, shall we? Yes, this is a zombie story. Yes, it’s also the story of how I died — is there any other type of zombie story, when you get right down to it? And yeah, I’m not too chuffed about the whole debacle.
Why not? Because it’s the story of how I died. I mean, come on. How can you expect someone to have fun with that sort of thing?
The Ladies of Andor
The Ladies of Andor prepare to defend, er, Andor.
This last Christmas was probably my best haul yet in terms of excellent board games. Not only was I given Clash of Cultures, which has proven one of my favorite games in recent memory (and which I wrote about here), my darling mother also acquired Legends of Andor, a beautiful and exciting four-player cooperative adventure game from Michael Menzel and brought into the English-speaking world by Fantasy Flight Games. At first glance it might look like a generic fantasy, but below the jump I’ve compiled four reasons why it’s one of the cleverest and most surprising co-op games of 2012.
Summoner Wars Mega #4: Cloaks vs. Benders
Cloaks vs. Benders.
Today’s match was one that everyone knew would come eventually: the showdown between the mind-controlling Bender Empire and the nomadic nation of exiles they created, the Cloaks. As former countrymen face off in a duel of wits, it’s Itharia’s profoundest civil war yet! Only problem is that they’re double-dipping from the same bag of tricks, as both specialize in neutralizing their opponents’ abilities. So the question is: who neutralized better?
Somerset and I couldn’t have asked for a more interesting match. Or a longer, more grueling match. Emotions ran high as we undermined each other at every turn. Read on to discover which nation was swept away by the tides of change. Also the tides of mind-control and thuggery.
When Cultures Clash
The thing is, I don’t really like Sid Meier’s Civilization series. I can see the appeal — crud, half the game’s bullet points sound like they were plagiarized straight out of the “This Should Appeal to Dan” playbook. But for whatever reason each Civ experience leaves me wondering what part of my soul is missing and wanting my thirty dollars back. So I was greatly surprised when I genuinely liked the board game version (this one). I didn’t play it too many times because it had some problems, most notably a very long playtime, but it still captured a lot of the things I liked about the Civilization series.
Now I’ve found a Civilization-type game that I love, courtesy of Z-Man Games and Christian Marcussen, designer of the marvelous (so I’m told) Merchants & Marauders. It’s called Clash of Cultures, and it’s one of the best things I’ve played all year. And I don’t mean that as a joke, considering it’s only the eleventh day of the year, I mean from the entire previous year. Find out why below.
Board Games & Me: The Lost World
The Lost World: Jurassic Park: Game, from 1996.
Here we are at the end of the road — hm, scratch that — at the end of the onramp that set me on a lifelong Board Game Highway. I’d already decided I liked at least the social aspect of board games thanks to Risk, and later that I was fascinated by their components thanks to Forbidden Bridge. I still hadn’t found the right game though, the one that was more than just a social catalyst or pretty components, that would convince me that board games were more than a once- or twice-a-year hobby. I hadn’t found the one that was good.
Sometime around 1997, I found it. If the header image is broken, read on to discover what it was.
Summoner Wars Mega #3: Phoenix Elves vs. Sand Goblins
Phoenix Elves vs. Sand Goblins.
The outcome of today’s match should leave everyone happy, because regardless of whether the fiery Phoenix Elves or the hell-continent-dweller Sand Goblins win, a faction of evil jerks has lost — and in battle-torn Itharia, where every madman has a summoning stone nowadays, that can only be a good thing.
As always, Somerset and myself were provided with a surprisingly unique match. It lacked the early-game assassination of our first match and the stalemated battle lines of our second. Instead, it was a highly tense game in which both Summoners felt the sting of enemy blades, and both subtle trickery and brute force had their moment. Spoiler Alert: At the end of this one, our score stands at 2-1. Oh, that was obvious? You want to know which of us is now ahead? Sorry, you’ll have to read on to find out the winner.
The Leftovers, 2012 Edition
It’s hard to believe that 2012 has already reached its end. Only moments ago it was 2011 and I was young and innocent and had a head full of ambitions and dreams. Worse, I didn’t write about some dozen games that I intended to, and now it’s really too late to get to them for fear of appearing out of vogue. Instead, here’s what I would have written, though in much abbreviated form — the leftovers of 2012, if you will.
SPACE-BIFF! 