Runewars Mega, Year 6: The Gathering Storm
Five years of war have left the nations of Terrinoth exhausted.
There are no invigorating wars, and the War for the Dragon Throne was no different. As it entered its sixth year and third act, the nations of Terrinoth were exhausted. Two of the Seven Cities had been thrown down, and two of the four nations were all but beaten. But even though the Latari public was declaring their mission accomplished, and though the Daqan Lords were on the cusp of surrender, the war’s resolution was yet a long ways off.
Can’t Get Enough Hoburg Weed
The beginnings of a very profitable Hoburg Weed growing enterprise. The little towns with green fields are hoburg villages. They grow, well, you can guess.
I’ve recently been playing a lot of Conquest of Elysium 3, the new game from Illwinter Game Design, who you might recognize as the creators of Dominions 3. Today I’m playing as the Burgmeister, a leader among halfmen.
It isn’t easy being a halfman, even if you have managed to join up with the Hoburgs. You have to put up with the worst sort of ridicule, and those short legs aren’t taking you anywhere fast. At best you have 4 hitpoints—and chances are you’ve got fewer. Even most human archers have 7, and beefcakes can work up to more than double that.
Yessir, life as a Hoburg sure would stink if it weren’t for fine Hoburg Weed.
Runewars Mega, Year 5: Scattering the Horde
After four years of preparing for war, the Latari elves direct their attentions northward.
The Uthuk chieftain was emboldened by the Year of the Drought. The Daqan Lords had been beaten to the verge of submission, the Latari apparently had no stomach for warfare, and Old Man Waiqar would surely be outmatched by the sheer numerical power that was now flowing east through the red corridor. The chieftain’s head was full of shifting plots, and his warlocks were powerful after years of access to the libraries of Forge, Vynelvale, and the Lost City.
Unfortunately for the chieftain, this is where my tale twists, and the people of Terrinoth find themselves trading their terror of one horde for terror of another.
Runewars Mega, Year 4: Drought
Destroyed Greyhaven, the tense border between Waiqar's undead legions and the Uthuk Y'llan barbarians.
In those days very few humans had any talent for the magical arts. Still, there were a few among the Daqan who fancied themselves privy to future events, whether by methods of scrying or reason. Their petition to their concerned lords was one of avoiding war: they claimed that with Old Man Waiqar now amassed on the borders of Uthuk holdings, the two dark threats to life in Terrinoth would soon enter into a bitter struggle, thus annulling any real danger to humanity.
The Daqan Lords were divided. Of course, to believe that the horde would halt their advance was a fool’s hope. Andira Runehand would have pointed this out had she been present at court, and it’s possible that her voice would have been enough to sway the more timid lords. However, she was still in the mountains observing the tides of Uthuk reinforcements that were now free to march straight from the baked lands to the Lost City, and so her counsel was never given. And so the Daqan Lords were unprepared for the fourth year of the War for the Dragon Throne, which has come to be called by historians the Year of the Drought.
How to Pose as an Indie Reviewer
Conquest of Elysium 3, a typical indie game. As in, not AAA.
It’s hard to jumpstart a career as a AAA reviewer these days. The market is competitive, and the whole reason you play eighteen hours of games a day means that “competitive” sounds about as appealing as licking a plantar wart.
Have no fear! By following these 20 easy steps, you too can soon be reviewing indie games with the best of them. As we go along, we’ll take a look at an actual review of an indie game as an example of how to pose as an indie reviewer (Conquest of Elysium 3 review, found here).
Runewars Mega, Year 3: Corridor of Red
Uthuk monstrosities gather for a march on the Dragon Throne.
News of the Uthuk defeat by a pack of dragons spread across Terrinoth faster than wildfire—much faster, since wildfire could have taken years. Now the Uthuk were the momentary laughingstock of the continent, owing to the natural desire that folks have whenever a world-ending threat appears on the fringes. People wanted to believe the Uthuk advance had been clipped short, but they were forgetting that the Uthuk Y’llan already held the ancient Dragon Throne and the city of Forge, and while reasonable men might have encountered their first great defeat and faltered, the Uthuk knew little of fear.
Runewars Mega, Year 2: The Hunt
The second year of the War for the Dragon Throne begins.
The winter was long—so long that some folks began to speculate that it was never to end. A few hedge-prophets declared it the end of the world, only to reverse their stories and preach deliverance when spring broke at last. The four nations, however, were cursing the winter long into spring…
Runewars Mega, Year 1: Raising the Lost City
Red Scorpion, champion of the Uthuk tribes, journeys to the mysterious desert that lies at the center of Terrinoth.
As with most bad things in Terrinoth, the War for the Dragon Throne began with a horde of demon-worshipers pouring out of the baked lands like an overflowing skin of liquid sulfur. Their numbers were so many that centuries of scholars have debated how the deserts could bottle up such a host of restless souls. Some said that the Uthuk Y’llan tribesmen lived stacked beneath the sand; others that they marched out of an oily and steaming sea. A few maintained that the Uthuk simply appeared more numerous due to their vicious nature—that one Uthuk berserker was equal to fifteen of the freeshields who protected the Seven Cities. We may never know. The Uthuk are not as they once were. Neither are the Latari, nor the Daqan, nor Old Man Waiqar.
I get ahead of myself. This is the story of how the ancient Dragon Throne reemerged, and how one of the four great nations claimed it. It begins with Red Scorpion, a former bandit and current adventurer, her services sold to the Uthuk Y’llan and her mind piqued by the mysteries of the Crying Stones.
Long Walks on the Beach: Dear Esther
One of the many poignant images from Dear Esther.
I’m having a hard time pinning down Dear Esther. After reading a few other opinion pieces, reviews, and theories, I think the feeling is mutual. Which is fine, since I suspect that’s exactly what creator Dan Pinchbeck was going for.
So I’ll put it this way: what does a fatal car crash, a syphilitic goatherd, a blinking radio aerial, a navy of paper boats, and a stunning cave create when combined? Answer: I have no idea. But it’s interesting all the same.
Upcoming: Runewars Mega
The human Daqan Lords face off against the Uthuk Y'llan barbarians.
Loyal Space-Biff! readers (both of you!) may have noticed that the number of articles has declined over the last pair of weeks. This is because I’ve been working with some friends on something extra special. Starting on Monday, I’ll be posting a miniseries covering an epic play of one of my favorite boardgames: Runewars. This is an excellent specimen of boardgaming at its best from Fantasy Flight Games and designer Corey Konieczka (whose games I’ve prattled about twice before). We’ll be using both the base game and the expansion, Banners of War (by designer Andrew Meredith). The series will be spread out over eight parts, and will be updated every Monday and Thursday. Should be fun.
That’s the bulk of my announcement. If you want details on the game, they’re posted below.
SPACE-BIFF! 