La Piña de La Muerte: Pineapple Smash Crew
The opening screen of Pineapple Smash Crew, which leaves little doubt about the type of pineapples being smashed.
The world’s fastest man can run about 12 meters per second. The world’s slowest explosion travels about 1800. What can we learn from this? That we can do a way better job of motivating Olympic runners.
Pineapple Smash Crew from Rich Make Game (Rich Edwards making games) is all about Outrunning the Fireball. Also pineapples. You know, to cause the fireballs.
I’m sure there isn’t a person on earth who wouldn’t get a buzz from escaping an explosion. But in a game where you’ll be doing exactly that at least a couple times every minute, can the thrill last?
RPS Ascension: Crossing the Diluphe (Winter, Year 2 and Spring, Year 3)
Raidon thinks little of Ichiro’s tactics for peace—snatching missives! Shaking like a child before the cyclops-god! Pandering to the whims of foreign pretenders! Raidon strains to remember that war was not prudent in the past, but a year of preparations has been unkind to Raidon’s spirits. He can hardly remember when he was Akenbei’s favorite, twelve months and a thousand years ago, when Raidon and his god had fought side-by-side to conquer the so-called “independent” tribes of Western Antopeos.
Since returning to Roca to restore order (order which was not nearly so abandoned as Ichiro had made it to sound), Raidon’s eyes have turned increasingly to the Marverni fortress that sits visible on the horizon: a fort that stands high above the marsh it protects. As part of the agreement between the Yomikind and the Marverni, both the ramparts in Roca and the swamp fort at Diluphe have stood sentinel, always watchful of the mutually-distrustful neighbors.
The ramparts of Roca and the swamp fort of Diluphe, both host to sizeable garrisons.
Raidon would see that fort torn to the ground and its stones drowned to the bottom of the muck of Diluphe. They have waited so long in preparing for war that they seem weaker than ever. Akenbei sits in the great hall and drinks fermented rice. Raidon’s friend Rai slowly dies of rot in a distant land. Ichiro can hardly remember how to lead those few men who will follow his commands. Even if his peers—and his god—have forgotten it, Raidon knows that war is coming. And what better way to begin it than by tearing down that abominable ever-visible sentinel?
And Then the Whimper: The Snowfield
The opening scene. You can probably already tell that this will be one of Space-Biff!'s jollier posts.
You’d think, to hear some people talk,
_That lads go West with sobs and curses,
And sullen faces white as chalk,
_Hankering for wreathes and tombs and hearses.
—Siegfried Sassoon, “How to Die”
Here’s one for that strange cross-section of human beings who feel that a videogame can be more than just entertainment: The Snowfield by the Singapore-MIT GAMBIT Game Lab (such a mouthful) does something that few games dare to attempt, and it pulls it off in fifteen minutes. It made me think. It made me sad. It made me shiver.
I’d recommend you play it before reading further. Once you have the Unity Web Player installed, you can play it right in your browser. Oh, and turn the volume up a bit.
RPS Ascension: Upstarts (Autumn, Year 2)
When last we saw what the Yomi were up to, Ichiro had received a letter of potential alliance from Nirelye, the goddess (at least Ichiro thinks Nirelye is a she) of the Sauromatian swamp-dwellers. The price was an invasion of the Yomi’s current allies, the Marverni tribes, who had recently begun an invasion of the Sauromatians. Since Raidon and Hirohisa, the nation’s two best generals, were still at the capital in the north, Ichiro had decided to avert immediate war by keeping this information secret from his own patron god, Akenbei, who was spending his time partying at the fortress in Roca.
Southwest Antopeos as autumn begins: The Marverni tribes invade Fever Fens, owned by Sauromatia. Akenbei and the Yomi feast in Roca.
Unfortunately for Ichiro, he will soon regret keeping Nirelye’s missive from his master.
A Plea from Space-Biff!
When I decided to start writing Space-Biff! it was for one of those “just because” reasons. It was meant as an outlet for things that interest me, and I never intended to use it as a soapbox. But you may have heard of the Stop Online Piracy Act or the Protect IP Act (the links lead to their full texts). If not, I’d recommend a couple of short reads, or a look at their respective Wikipedia pages. If that’s too much effort, then there’s a just-over-four-minute video after the jump. Please take a look.
Don’t Trip: Running with Rifles
Many green men running. Running with rifles. (You may need to click for bigger. They're small men).
I have two secret talents. One of them is that I can fall asleep anywhere and anywhen. The other is that I’m pretty good at following through on my New Year’s Resolutions. I made three this year. Two of them are dull—you know, weight loss dull. But the exciting one is that I’ve determined that I’m going to update Space-Biff! with much more regularity. I’ve already got a bunch of great stuff planned for this and next month, and all I have to do is beat L.A. Noire, remember what happened twenty turns ago in the RPS Dominions 3 game, and contract another disease in Skyrim. Today was MLK Day, so I had all day free to work on these things.
Instead I spent all day playing Running with Rifles by Modulaatio Games. Day wasted? I think not.
Gears of War: The Board Game: The Review (Part 2)
Our attempt at an over-the-shoulder shot, just like from the PC game. This is, incidentally, the one moment where weenie-man Damon Baird attempts something heroic. I'm sure he missed the shot.
“C’mon Baird! A little bit of this is good for you! Builds your immune system.”
—Augustus “Cole Train” Cole, Gears of War
In part 1, I outlined the three things that stand out to me as the advantages of Gears of War: The Board Game, the latest from Corey Konieczka and Fantasy Flight Games. I’d recommend reading that first, because this is the segment where I talk about the game’s three disadvantages. Now, before I get into that, I’d like to say that for some folks these might be totally negligible. I enjoyed the game, and thought a few of the mechanics were especially smart. However, I wouldn’t recommend a purchase without a prospective buyer knowing a few things.
So here we go!
Gears of War: The Board Game: The Review (Part 1)
Dominic Santiago finds himself swarmed by wretches in Gears of War: The Board Game.
“Yeah! Wooo! Bring it on, sucka! This is my kinda shit!”
— Augustus “Cole Train” Cole, Gears of War
Corey Konieczka is one of only four board game designers whose names I’m capable of recognizing immediately. He’s designed some of my favorite games, such as Battlestar Galactica, Runewars, and Mansions of Madness—the last of which I’ve talked about at length here on Space-Biff! before. He’s also designed some other well-received games like Descent: Journeys in the Dark, Space Hulk: Death Angel, and Starcraft. As such, when one of my friends proposed Mr Konieczka’s recent Gears of War: The Board Game for our next game night, I didn’t require much convincing.
The verdict? Find the first half after the jump.
Darkest of Reviews
The Romans brought shields as a distraction for the gravity gun. To their dismay, it was not a gravity gun at all.
I received an unexpected gift for Christmas, courtesy of my friend J.B. / digital_pariah, who you may remember as one of the players from our RPS Ascension game of Dominions 3 (which I am terribly behind in talking about here on Space-Biff!). It was the time-traveling romp Darkest of Days, a game about anachronisms that strikes me as an anachronism itself. It’s a much-ignored gem from 2009 that, for the most part, looks as though it has arrived on your PC after an arduous time-bending adventure, in which a serviceable gaming engine from 2008 stole the discarded textures of 2005, kidnapped Harry Turtledove’s doppelganger to pen the plot, and then decided on a pit stop in 1862 to get the Battle of Antietam just right.
Any game that channels that one good part from Timecop is a game in which I’m interested, and it’s fair to say I was looking forward to Darkest of Days in the same kind of way that I used to look forward to having my modern army men gun down my pirate Legos (read: very much). I didn’t expect it to spin me around and teach me a life lesson (or at least try really, really hard to). The review, in three parts, follows.
A Plaguebearer in Skyrim: The Epiphany
The base of Northwind Summit, rumored nest of a dragon.
(Before reading, you should read the first part of our heroes’ adventures. It’s right here.)
Illia continues to be worried about Innohunk as they near Northwind Summit, the northernmost peak in the Rift. It is a lawless region, barely overseen by its jarl in the capital of Riften. It is populated with bears, wolves, bandits, and, if the rumors prove true (they almost always do in Tamriel), dragons. If anything ill should befall them, there will be no help, as nearest civilization is either the unprotected mining camp of Darkwater Crossing on the river to the west, or the city of Windhelm across miles of desolate marshes to the north. That is to say, only weeks ago Innohunk would have been reveling in the danger of their quest. Today he is as gloomy as the Northwind mountains.
Illia has had a witchly premonition (though she quietly disclaims that she is not a witch, not anymore) that the source of Innohunk’s bleak mood will be revealed this very day. The anticipation is killing her.
SPACE-BIFF! 