Blog Archives
Kemble Was Actually Just Some Dude
Every now and then, a board game comes along with an idea that makes me think, “Why didn’t someone else come up with that sooner?” In the case of The Battle at Kemble’s Cascade, the topic is classic arcade shmups. Don’t know what a shmup is? It’s a—
Hold on. This is the internet. Go look it up yourself, slacks.
What I will tell you about is The Battle at Kemble’s Cascade, which mostly — mostly — captures the spirit of those arcade classics.
Hyperboringa
I’ll come out right and say it: Hyperborea isn’t actually hyper-boring. That was just too good a pun to pass up.
Rather, Hyperborea is interesting. Interesting and also, unfortunately, a disappointment to its mother. She tells people it’s an investment banker.
Dead (But Not Sick) of Winter
We’re all sick of zombies, right? I mean, unless you’re one of the hundred million people who keep buying all those zombie-themed games, the ones with the ludicrous quantity of undead minis, and the dice games, and every single thing with a dismembered hand on the cover, the zombie thing feels pretty played out?
I understand. And I agree. Zombies have run their course. Down with the undead. Long live the living.
But you’re going to have to take my word on this one: Dead of Winter from Plaid Hat Games is another game with zombies in it, but even so, it’s pretty much the best game of 2014. So buckle up, keep that shotgun close at hand, don’t trust anyone with a bleeding bandage on their arm — no matter how many times they insist they just snagged it on a broken window — and get ready to see how good a zombie game can be.
War Express
Age of War is possibly the smallest game I’ve played this year. So small, in fact, that I’m going to try and review it in a single breath. No cheating, I promise. Here we go:
Age of War is the latest from Reiner Knizia, and the first thing you notice about it is that it’s a mere seven dice and [count them later, can’t stop writing] cards. So it’s a small game, but perhaps it has a big heart. I don’t know what I’m saying I can’t concentrate. It’s pretty fun. I had fun with friends. I think it gets too
Ohmygoodness. Guess I’ll have to do a real review after all.
It Also Gazes Into You
Look into his eyes, and tell me what you see. For me, he looks like the trailer-folk of the sea, majestic and graceful, but probably smokes too much for his own good — which, granted, fire probably doesn’t work down there, so maybe he just snacks on too many mollusks or something. He tried the gum a while back, but it didn’t kick the cravings like it advertized. His pod-mother always said—
Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, right: Abyss. Yeah, let’s talk about that.
Borrow, Ignore, or Buy?
A lot of people are bored of the zombie thing. Not me. For one thing, the appeal of straightforward bad guy artificial intelligence is undeniable: they walk towards you, walk some more, and then paw at you like a drunkard on the subway. There are no cover mechanics to worry about, no flanking, no need to do anything other than walk and paw. And anyway, aren’t they sort of a Metaphor? For death, or how you don’t like spending time with your grandma because she’s slow and she paws at you?
I suspect Run, Fight, or Die! is a metaphor too. Possibly for death. Maybe for boredom.
The League of Extraordinary GenConmen
GenCon is no SaltCon, that’s for sure. Or perhaps that should be writ the other way around — SaltCon is no GenCon. That’s for sure.
Dan and the Space-Biff! crew, or at least one of the Space-Biff! crew, flew all the way to Indianapolis, which is in Iowa, I think, for the largest board game convention in these the United States. The original thought was to deliver a daily report of all the GenCon goings-on, but Dan was too timid to actually interview anyone, though he claims it was because the Wyndham West didn’t have working internet, which it really didn’t, and we don’t recommend anyone stay there if they want to Skype their baby’s first steps.*
What follows is the true story of how Dan and Steve navigated the crowds, fell asleep at odd hours in their hotel suite, and generally GenCon’d it up. Fun fact: there were more people at GenCon than in the entirety of Dan’s hometown!**
A Sellsword You Can Trust
Mercenaries are disunited, ambitious, undisciplined, and treacherous; they are powerful when among those who are not hostile, but weak and cowardly when confronted by determined enemies; they have no fear of God, and do not maintain commitments with men.
Know who wrote that? Niccolò freaking Machiavelli. Which is weird, because although I read The Prince in high school, I had no idea he played Sellswords from Level 99 Games. I guess that part went totally over my head.
Sheriff of Yessingham
I want you to imagine something with me. Close your eyes. Squeeze them tight. Tighter.
Now open them so you can continue reading the article.
51st State: Family Edition
A couple weeks back, I reviewed a family of games from Ignacy Trzewiczek by the name of 51st State, and mentioned that a new implementation of that system was forthcoming. Now it’s here, and a mere glimpse of the original trio’s artwork should provide sufficient indication that Imperial Settlers is going in an entirely different direction. For one thing, the sun shines in this universe. People smile. There’s not quite as much cannibalism.
Is that a good thing? Well, okay, for the inhabitants of Imperial Settlers, sure, of course it’s better. But how about for the rest of us?
SPACE-BIFF! 